No shock to hear that males have historically held dominance in societies the world-over. However this began, the feminist movement and Title IX has successfully given girls and women the opportunity and space to become equal partners to boys and men in all aspects of life. And yet there is still more work to be done.

But since the 1970s, while the focus was shined on girls and women, we left behind boys and men. We assumed they were fine. But research has shown that boys and men aren’t “fine.” Instead of reeducating the community to appreciate that strength lies in a balanced society, we tilted towards empowering only the girls and women. It’s time now to redirect our focus in a more balanced approach.

American schools play to girls’ strengths: sit still, be quiet, follow directions, use your words. Many boys don’t learn this way. They are naturally kinesthetic learners: they need to move to imprint on their brains. They build, they destroy, and use their bodies to charge their brains. By sending a boy to a standard American school that does not practice “hands-on learning,” we ask boys to literally divorce themselves from who they are born to be. It’s like cutting-off their little hands before they have learned to use them. It can be a type of incarceration in certain respects. In preschool, boys were encouraged to experience the world as they see it and naturally make sense of it kinesthetically; and then told in kindergarten that they have to learn through language, seated: a manner that is foreign to a boy’s way of learning. Boys have to quickly learn a new “language of learning.” And so from the start, boys have nearly a double-challenge while still being expected to keep up with academic standards. All the while, the girls have been honing their learning skills that will translate seamlessly into standard kindergarten.

We have to give the boys some credit for straddling two worlds: what is natural to them, and what is forced upon them. Similar to a child that speaks a different language at home, boys need to bring two life-languages together and are expected to perform at the same level as the native speakers. Going from play-based learning into a standard academic setting is like a bait and switch for boys. And being so young, frustration quickly mounts and “learning difficulties” or acting-out becomes the release. And then it begins: Instead of addressing the root cause of the frustration, schools typically discipline boys for being boys, and send them for remedial work to keep up. In short: they are punished for being themselves; totally developmentally normal Boys.

And in many cases boys have no understanding of why they are being disciplined. Or why their natural feeling was considered “wrong.” If they are never allowed to feel the full arch of an emotion, how will they learn to understand themselves? Simply put, they feel like they are always wrong.

From this boys grow self-doubt in their academic and personal self-worth.  They always see others as being better; they question why they can’t find within themselves to do and act as the teacher wants. This is the beginning of breaking down the boys, and the results can be disastrous: Depression, anger, confusion, and low self-esteem.

Boys who are shut-down and shut-off from experiencing and understanding their real emotions often don’t learn to connect emotionally. They carry this burden and confusion into adulthood assuming that society expects them to handle their own issues on their own. Eventually, the bottled-up frustration will expose itself in a negative manner. Conversely, girls are natural networkers. At young ages they connect socially and use the power of their words. They are encouraged to reach-out and share their thoughts and needs. While girls and women have their own societal burdens, they are far more willing and equipped to reach-out for help then boys and men.

Reflect on the scenes from the movie, “Dead Poets Society.” Professor Keating brings his students out of doors to recite poetry and learn about conformity while marching, kicking balls, and boating. The lessons are invigorating to the students; they dive deep into the lessons despite possibly not being natural-born poets. He allows the students to be vulnerable and support and love one another. While the world around them looked to harden them into what a man “should be,” Professor Keating asked them to dig deep into themselves and let that person and that force be their guiding light. 

We want to empower our boys and young men to be who they are; to grow into themselves in a healthy environment of support and understanding, and give them the chance to make connections and build community to the benefit of society at large.

Brave Bold Boy aims to give boys the healthy focus they deserve; to help them feel empowered alongside their female classmates and counterparts. To be their partners and celebrate their collective strength, together.